Thursday, April 11, 2013

Copper Harbor Conspiracy revealed!!! I need to clear my heart of the truth of why Copper Harbor is winning the Bell Built Grant........

Strange things happen in the mists of the Keweenaw Peninsula 

This my friends is no joke.

I am both embarrassed and ashamed to admit the treachery I have been involved with in order to promote Copper Harbor and MORC in the Bell Built Grant Contest.

 I have been getting disgruntled emails from contacts and colleagues as to how it could be possible that a club in a place like Copper Harbor, could be winning something as visible as the Bell Built Grant Contest.

They have been outraged!  Outraged and allegations have been slung and leveled and after so much pressure I have decided to fess up.

How could it be that a town of 88 people in the literal center of nowhere can be winning against such huge and blue blooded off road riding communities in places like OR and CO they want to know??

Well I have decided to get it out.  The awful truth.  To clear the blackness from my soul and scour myself so that when I die and they bury me in that great Flow Trail by the Lake that I am able to ascend clean as the new fallen snow into mountain bike heaven.

Alien Ray catchers
Alien intelligence folks.  That is the answer.

You see the special helmet above?  Well this is a special communication tool to other worlds. I feel unclean just showing it to you....

With this helmet Copper Harbor is able to speak to alien gods and just about anybody else they want to speak to.  Including that weird dude down on the corner that is always mumbling to himself (His name is Bob and he is a 650b rider by the way).

Norm, alien translator
Once the alien rays are gathered via the special helmet (called the "Helmis") they are taken to the man above at the Abby near Copper Harbor.  The messages are then translated and replies are given and advice and inside information is metered out.

No questions are off limits.  It has made us drunk with power.

However sometimes the answers can be a bit unclear and that is where the special black magic occurs.

That generally revolves around drinking special potions, dancing, burning things (many types of things) and riding bikes late at night.

Special bike voodoo dance to get out the Vote for the Bell Built Program.
Special Alien Translation dance
To witness the "dance" is a horrifying thing.

People speak in tongues.  You hear words like "De Za Beet" and "Ma Maki"  strange alien words.

Only the Shaman can wield the "Thunder Stick"
Reading the shell Augury revealed
Another special ceremony that we have utilized involves guns and beer.  This is an especially despicable one and something I am not proud of.

However in order to create world class riding, we the "Addicted"  will stop at is a terrible cycle and I dont wish it upon anybody (unless you like ripping it up!).

Oh the humanity, how could it have come to this?????

Regardless we have used this alien information to get out the vote, to stuff the ballot box full of yes votes.

I hate to say it but all that alien technology has produced trails that have a vice grip effect on getting peoples YES votes.

It literally controls their minds!

In a show of wanton solidarity we have also allowed MORC and Brown County to use our Alien technology, so the treachery is spread wider than I would care to whatever you do, please, please forgive us!



(Whatever it takes Bell Built ends Saturday April 13th )

JUST IN ADDITIONAL PROOF OF ALIENS IN COPPER HARBOR.  Luckily my esteemed partner in photographic crime reminded me a sultry afternoon spent reading the ancient alien is the evidence of that ugly, ugly day with Aaron LaRocque and Andrew Shandro...

Ancient pictures of the Alien ships

Picture of special Single track Bear, used in the making of single track, notice space lines across its body

LaRocque is so impacted by these images that he is trying to itch his brain...through his nose!

More proof of our supernatural strategy...note special device on hat similar to helmis.  Special Alien music is used to summon voters to the cause...


Aaron Peterson said...

dude, you forgot the rock symbols left by the ancient ones...

JayT said...

Hey! my Ma is a Maki! Maybe I've got the powers too!

Bruce Swanson said...

Father Klunker thinks this the best blog post of the year. Yeti liked it too...

Megan L. Killian said...

Fracking awesome.

Amanda said...

I have been influenced by the powers mentioned above... especially the one in the brown robe who hypnotized me to marry Aaron Rogers! No wonder I love Copper Harbor so much!

This post is genius, clever and soon to be a classic.

Clayton Haglund said...

I'm anxious to read your thoughts after learning of Elm Creek's last minute defeat after leading the whole race. My disappointment is tempered by the fact that I don't live in the metro and so I would have only enjoyed it a couple times a year at best anyway...but I was really hoping for a midwest sweep.